Eli's Corner

About

This blog is primarily about my process of trying to become a mom, which to-date has involved a diagnosis of endometriosis (explaining 7 years of misdiagnosed chronic pain), a laparoscopy, three cycles of Clomid and four of Superovulation IUI, the first of which was successful but led to the unexplained miscarriage of a genetically normal little boy.  This was followed by many months of tests which revealed mild hypothyroidism but no solid clues as to why my body terminated the pregnancy.  After that was a failed IVF cycle that yielded only 2 mature eggs. Turns out that although I’m 35, I’ve got the eggs of a 45-year-old, and my ovaries just aren’t responding to drugs anymore. Apparently, I’m following in my mom’s early menopausal footsteps (she had her last period at 36 – significantly, however, she managed to squeeze out a gaggle of kids first). At some point I’m going to need to jump off this merry-go-round and get on with my life, but for the moment, my cold fingers are still clutching to this particular dream.

I’ve got a good man with whom I run a consulting business (his dream, not mine, but it works with my psycho appointment schedule), friendships I’m struggling to navigate, and a complicated relationship with my faith.

As an aside, I know from previous blogging attempts that I am actually far too private a person to have a blog, and yet I persist.  I’m chalking it up to a need for catharsis – and perhaps a remote hope that it will somehow lighten your load, make you feel less alone, or at least mildly amuse you.  Or maybe it’s just my need to expel words.  At any rate, here it is.

**In a major plot twist, I got – I can really only say miraculously – pregnant. From sex. For free. Just like in the movies. With mere months left on what my doctor professed to be my biological stopwatch – finding this out on the very day that I was scheduled to start a last-ditch attempt at aggressive IVF. These days I am mostly in awe that I get to be this girl.**

 

-eli

16 thoughts on “About

  1. Eli – your such a captivating writer….. Please keep blogging…… It helps to connect to people in similar situations when friends and family don’t seem to understand. It’s our own way of therapy and healing. I wish you every luck in your journey x

    • Wow..thanks so much, Martina. I am finding this little online support community to be a beautiful and unexpected help…even in just normalizing what I’m going through a bit. I hope the words I’m throwing out there add to the help. I wish you all the best in your journey too – looks like we’ve been trying for about the same amount of time…I hope your wait ends soon.

  2. Hi there,
    many thanks for choosing to follow http://www.postsofhypnoticsuggestion.wordpress.com I really appreciate it.
    This looks like an interesting blog too so I’m now following you as well
    All the best
    Tony

  3. I love your writing. This whole “trying to become a mom” thing freakin sucks.

  4. Pingback: Got my SPF and my favourite sunglasses: Sunshine Award nomination | Me and Miss Bee

  5. Thank you so much for coming by. I am so sorry for your losses. Pray things get better for you. I will be following your journey…hugs and all the best.

  6. You have an incredible gift.

    I am an extremely private person. I have not wanted to share my 8 year (and counting) journey ttc not because I am ashamed, but rather because I do not want others’ sympathy/pity. I come from a large family, each of my siblings has numerous children as did my mother, so it was a shock to me to find myself in this struggle…with really nobody around me truly understanding what it means to hear the reason for infertility is “Ovarian Failure” at age 30. It is being able to find courageous writers like you, who are willing to put it all out there that have made me feel not so alone month after month of BFNs. I found your blog and was hooked…I bawled my eyes out with you. You give me hope. Hope that no matter what happens, life will go on. I can still hold on to the core of who I am. Baby or no baby, I can indeed bring sunshine to others especially when I may feel things are so darn dark. Thank you.

    I hope you win your award but more importantly, I wish so badly for you for your baby dreams to come true…

    • Mel. I’m sitting in the waiting room at a blood lab (where else?) reading this and trying to remain composed. Thank you so much for taking the time to say this. I’m so glad these ramblings have been a source of encouragement to you. Hearing you say this gives me a little shot of hope as well – and reminds me of some important things I already know but need to be reminded of. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really wish I could give you a hug. And that you lived nearby so we could grab coffee on our iffy days. Much love.

      • A year ago in the middle of failed cycle after failed cycle, doctors told me that I had acute hyperplasia with atypia and that I needed to have surgery immediately as cells were turning cancerous. I had surgery during which my gynocological oncologist had to stop the procedure due to me hemorrhaging. She went out to talk to my husband and told him without a doubt I had endometrial and cervical cancer…it was just a matter of which stage. I starting seeing a naturopathic doc who told me that I could heal myself through diet. That the side benefit of changing my body pH would also be improving my fertility. I started his plan and 5 months later I was cancer free…even the acute hyperplasia waswas gone. My doctors were amazed. Prior to the hyperplasia diagnosis I had done several Clomid/IUI cycles with only 1 follicle stimulated each time. We followed up with injectable/IUI….no success. I am now 37 yo. Usually before a cycle u/s would show 5 or 6 total follicles between both ovaries. This is my first injectable/IUI cycle we have done since my surgery last year. Had Mirena IUD for several months and then removes and did bc for 2 cycles. This cycle, after nearly giving up all hope, my u/s showed 11 resting follicles…menopur for 10 days and I got 3 awesome follicles (all avg 19.5) and one small. This has never happened for me. We triggered and now it’s a waiting game. I am praying this time is it. And all these positive changes from something as simple as body pH and diet. I had nothing to lose by trying. If you want more info Eli please contact me. Blessings to you. I will keep praying for you and I believe with my whole heart that your baby dreams will come true. :)
        Mel

  7. A year ago in the middle of failed cycle after failed cycle, doctors told me that I had acute hyperplasia with atypia and that I needed to have surgery immediately as cells were turning cancerous. I had surgery during which my gynocological oncologist had to stop the procedure due to me hemorrhaging. She went out to talk to my husband and told him without a doubt I had endometrial and cervical cancer…it was just a matter of which stage. I starting seeing a naturopathic doc who told me that I could heal myself through diet. That the side benefit of changing my body pH would also be improving my fertility. I started his plan and 5 months later I was cancer free…even the acute hyperplasia waswas gone. My doctors were amazed. Prior to the hyperplasia diagnosis I had done several Clomid/IUI cycles with only 1 follicle stimulated each time. We followed up with injectable/IUI….no success. I am now 37 yo. Usually before a cycle u/s would show 5 or 6 total follicles between both ovaries. This is my first injectable/IUI cycle we have done since my surgery last year. Had Mirena IUD for several months and then removes and did bc for 2 cycles. This cycle, after nearly giving up all hope, my u/s showed 11 resting follicles…menopur for 10 days and I got 3 awesome follicles (all avg 19.5) and one small. This has never happened for me. We triggered and now it’s a waiting game. I am praying this time is it. And all these positive changes from something as simple as body pH and diet. I had nothing to lose by trying. If you want more info Eli please contact me. Blessings to you. I will keep praying for you and I believe with my whole heart that your baby dreams will come true. :)
    Mel

    • Hey Mel. I’m so glad to hear the diet change made such a difference for you. That’s seriously incredible. Hope this wait is the one that finally ends with a baby. I imagine the wait is nearly over now? Hope you’re hanging in there! I’ve tinkered with my diet quite a bit – mostly trying to lower acidity and more recently getting tested for allergies and modifying my diet along those lines. I would be interested in learning more about your PH diet. I don’t know if I’m going to keep trying for a bio baby at this point, but I’d like to be armed with whatever knowledge I can get.

  8. Hi!
    I just found your blog last night and I’m certain that it has been the best thing I’ve read so far for infertility. I sat next to my husband on the couch laughing, crying, reading segments aloud and saying to him “this is the best way to describe how I’m feeling”

    I haven’t been through nearly as much as you, but we are about to start our first IUI after almost three failed cycles of just Femara/Ovidrel. (I say almost three as I am 5 days away from testing and I just know that this cycle didn’t take.) I am just not sure I can emotionally handle round after round of failed IUIs, much like you were not sure about IVF.

    Anyway, thanks for your honest blog and being able to articulate this difficult situation. It’s reassuring to find/read someone who gets it.

    Also, congratulations!! All your hard work, determination and strong spirit paid off…which gives me a glimmer of hope. :)

    • Thanks, Carrie! I’m so glad to hear that this helped. That’s the dream you know, to have something good come out of it somewhere. Praying this next cycle is the one for you!

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