Eli's Corner

5 Things I’d Really Like People With Kids To Know

16 Comments

It always feels strange to post when you haven’t for so long, but I just wrote this big long comment on a Huffington Post article entitled “5 Things I’d Really Like People With No Kids To Know” (I know, why – WHY did I even click on it?  I think I genuinely thought it might be something other than it was, but it wasn’t).  It’s an unoriginal “kids are such a pain” rant – directed at people who don’t have kids.  This woman has a massive blind spot.  When I went to submit my comment, I realized that you have to sign over all of your personal information – via Facebook  (and you likely already know my feelings about Facebook) – in order to comment.  So I didn’t.  But now I have this comment that needs to be…commented.  Unfortunately, none of the people who need to see it will see it.  Oh well. Universe, here are my thoughts:

As a woman who has tried and failed for years to bring a child into the world, I’d like to give 5 gentle reminders to people with kids:
1. Every time you look at your child and see something of yourself or your partner, please be overwhelmed.
2. If you ever have the opportunity to go to an ultrasound appointment and hear a heartbeat, please be blown away.
3. I’m sure it’s difficult, but on those nights when your kids are keeping you up, please hold them close, listen to those cries and give thanks that those lungs are healthy, that this child is breathing, and of course, that this phase will pass.
4. I’m sure you miss going out, but let me assure you that while cocktail parties, travel and fine dining are nice, they feel emptier and emptier with each passing year that your arms remain empty.  So please look at those little reasons you can’t go out, and try to imagine life without them.
5. Consider your audience, and please be mindful when complaining about parenting to people who do not have kids that there is a good chance that their hearts have been breaking day after day, year after year to have these problems.  And maybe rein it in a little.

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Author: eli

I'm trying to become a mom. I write about that and other things here. Welcome to my little corner of the web.

16 thoughts on “5 Things I’d Really Like People With Kids To Know

  1. I just went and read the article and now I have to say PUKE! I cannot stand the high and mighty attitude parents sometimes get. Yes, your life is SO rough. We all feel so sorry for you. I’m sure it’s hard, we all know that, but there’s this attitude that nobody could possible get it if they aren’t in ‘the club’, as if no one else has any experience with hard things. Grr.

    • Sigh. Preach. My reply was much gentler than my feelings were, since I didn’t want people to get all defensive and not hear what I wanted to get across. But yes, I really agree. I have a friend who goes on and on about how difficult labor was for her. My shrink suggested that next time I say, “I acknowledge that’s difficult. You want to know what else is difficult? Having your dead child removed from your body.” I hope to be that badass one day. Haven’t gotten there yet.

  2. So, I just caved and created an account so I could post it. You’re welcome for all of my information, Big Brother.

  3. OMG that article makes me SICK! Well done you for creating an account to post your comment. It NEEDS to be said and you said it so well it brought tears to my eyes. It makes me so angry how much people take for granted. Hugs xx

    • Thanks. I may or may not have cried (a lot) while writing that comment. This stuff goes deep… I’m hoping so very much that you get a chance to get some sleepless nights – because your CHILD is keeping you awake this time – and get all your phone calls interrupted and have unproductive trips to the grocery store – and I hope one day you get to get pissed at your insolent teenager – I want you to have ALL of that xx

  4. These are so true. I love it. I think being a parent is taken for granted by too many people in the world.

  5. I’m seething. The author of the article replied to my comment defensively asking me to “give her the right” to complain. I quickly wrote a response – which was much less well thought out than my original comment. Crap. I’m the angry infertile now….but….words. fail.

  6. This isn’t even a fight I want to fight. I just wanted to bring a representative voice into the conversation. I hate the internet.

  7. (Except for you guys. You guys are great.)

    • Ok…I don’t even know if anyone’s reading my endless string of comments on my own post…but the author did apologize for the bait-and-switch of the title. So I’m no longer seething. I don’t mind so much if parents whine about parenting, so long as they don’t make singletons/infertiles/people without kids…pretty much all non-parents…the targets of their whining. Am now stepping off my soapbox.

  8. Couldn’t say it better myself!!!

  9. So beautifully said – and I reminder to us all to not take the good things in our life for granted.

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